Meet Dominique Oster — Sex and Relationship Therapist, California

Dominique Oster, Sex Therapist, sitting on green chair

Who Does She Think She Is??

First Things First: What Kind of Sex Therapist Am I?

I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and an AASECT-certified sex therapist. I have a Master of Science in human resources and a master of Arts in counseling… needless to say, I am a big believer in science and research. I like evidence-backed research. I like having a clear treatment plan so clients understand the difference between where they are now and where they want to go. Informed consent means understanding what my structure and plan for getting clients to their goals actually looks like.

My scaffolded approach to sex therapy, relationship therapy, and trauma therapy is built around one question: how do we get from where we are to where we want to be, and what are the steps along the way that feel like accessible, measurable progress? Because sometimes we hold the ultimate goal as the only marker of success, and we forget how many wins we have along the way.

I am also a trained trauma therapist, and I believe being a good sex therapist means being a good trauma therapist. In addition to the experiences that happen to us, we also need to process the ways that compulsory sexuality, patriarchy, white supremacy, and capitalism have impacted our window of tolerance around sexuality and relationships. I don’t mean just in how we think about them but also how we chemically experience and metabolize those events. The primary method of trauma treatment that I use is Brainpotting, and we incorporate a blend of evidence-based (and homegrown) interventions and approaches to meet you wherever you are.

I truly believe that if we can really understand our nervous system, understand the chemicals and hormones involved in how available we feel for connection, we can show up in a more regulated and intentional way. I want my clients to have a solid theoretical and physiological foundation for why they're showing up the way they are, in this moment. And I like to pair that with a very Libra-esque, open-minded, nonjudgmental curiosity for all of the things that help people get there. So yes — we can talk about your attachment style and your natal chart. We can pull a card or you can send me memes that have resonated with you lately. Bring all of it.

Wondering who I am and why you would trust me with your sexuality and relationships?

Hi! My name is Dominique Oster, and I have spent my entire career helping adults go from where they are now to where they want to be - personally and professionally. I was the weird kid who was always interested in and comfortable talking about sexuality from as early as I can remember. Even in high school and college, I was someone who friends would come to for questions and experiences they wanted to share without being met with squeamishness. Practicality and necessity meant that I spent 8 years in human resources before I ever set foot in a therapy office as a clinician, and in the years since, I have learned all about what makes us effective… and more often, ineffective.

Pivoting from corporate cog to professional relationship fixer wasn’t accidental. I was raised in an environment that celebrated the endurance of love without the Disneyfication of happily-ever-after. My parents have been together for over 40 years, and watching the different phases and stages of their long-term relationship planted something in me early. What I saw wasn't Disney-style love. It was depth and endurance. The kind of striving that we forget is actually part of love because nobody teaches us that it takes effort, work, and communication. That's what drew me to marriage and family therapy, and it's what keeps me here.

Bring Me All of You — Especially the Parts That Don't Fit Neatly

In addition to my professional identities, I am a biracial Black queer woman who has learned to embrace what connects me to others and what parts of my experience are unique - and I’m curious about your multitudes too. My work as a sex and relationship therapist in Santa Cruz is rooted in understanding who clients are at their core — what internal and external messages have either allowed them to expand that core self, or required them to box parts of it away. And then we discover: what do you want, and what do you think is blocking you from having it? Whether that's a partner, a career, a sense of belonging, or a sex life that actually feels good. There are things that happen to us that stop us from believing we can have what we want. That's where I can help.

I am interested in tarot, astrology, rootwork, and understanding the cultural frameworks that shaped you. Evidence-based and spiritually curious — those things are not in conflict here. I am also a Libra, an only child, and someone who has been partnered for 14 years (and married for 12). My privilege lies in a history that allows me to expect unconditional support from those who want to see all of me. Having a partner who has supported every single iteration of self I've moved through, from human resources to therapy, from identifying as straight to bisexual to pansexual, and even how I show up relationally, shows me that we can actually have it all - safety and freedom, support and autonomy. My own evolution of identity is not separate from my work. It's the foundation of it. I very much encourage my clients to find partners, friends, and even employers who celebrate and encourage their individual pursuits of self, because I know firsthand what it feels like to have that, and what it makes possible.

Professor Dominique? — Yes, I actually know my s***

Obviously, I don’t expect you to trust me just because I’m a Libra. I am also an expert in the field of sexuality counseling. In addition to offering individual therapy, couples therapy, and sex therapy in Santa Cruz and across California, I am also an adjunct professor at two universities.

At Santa Clara University, I teach Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Sexually Expansive Psychotherapy to counseling graduate students in Santa Clara, CA. That course covers intersectionality, sexual expansiveness, the umbrella of queerness, and how gay-affirming and narrative therapy can offer an alternative to a more neoliberal, white, Western approach to mental wellness. One that centers collective and community-oriented healing rather than just the individual.

At Palo Alto University, I teach Sexual Issues in Counseling, a required class for all counseling students in California seeking licensure in Palo Alto, CA. It's essentially a 101 (more like 102) understanding of the sexuality issues clinicians might encounter with clients: sexual functioning and anatomy, sexual development, adolescence through the lifespan, and sexually expansive and relational concepts.

I also offer workshops for clinicians. Including a series based on Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are, focused on how therapists can more competently integrate an understanding of women's sexuality into their practice. And I present regularly on intersectionality and LGBTQ+ issues, as well as my workshop How to Talk About Sex in Therapy (Without Blushing) — a practical roadmap for everyday clinicians who want to feel more confident and competent bringing sexuality into sessions from a trauma-informed, professional lens. I've presented this for both universities and for the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (CAMFT).

Teaching clinicians helps keep me grounded in current theories and issues related to the field of sexuality and relationship therapy. I am passionate about helping my clients understand their relational selves better, and I am also passionate about teaching other clinicians how to more effectively broach these topics.

Ready to Work Together?

If any of this resonates, if you've been looking for a sex therapist or relationship therapist in Santa Cruz who gets it, all of it — I'd love to connect. I offer a complimentary video consultation so we can make sure we're a good fit before we begin.

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